Dawson's Creek

With the recent passing of James Van Der Beek, I wanted to express my condolences and talk about the profound impact Dawson's Creek has had on me.

See, I may have been too young to watch it as it premiered, but I always wanted to watch it. There were re-runs that came on TV really late (3am), but for me, that wasn't so out of the ordinary. Still, I was usually upstairs in bed by then so staying downstairs to watch it was a feat.

One night in senior year, I decided to take the plunge. I stayed up (on a school night!) to see what all the hype was about, and because I was actually really interested. Of course, because Kevin Williamson loved all things scary, it was the episode Return to Witch Island where they visit a supposedly haunted island and talk about witchcraft. Of course, that late at night, I was a bit spooked, and I also didn't feel like I got a true sense of what the show was really like. So, luckily for me, there was another episode right after. At 4am I sat there contemplating cutting my losses at this failed mission to at least get 3 hours of sleep before I had to wake up for school at 7am... or.... it's already late, so why not.

Well, what do you think I did? I stayed up. One more episode to end my night at 5am and crawl back into bed for 2 lousy hours of sleep. It was fun, and I was determined to watch it, but there was no way I was gonna do that again.

I finally had a good group of friends, boy drama, and a bit of a summer fling...

Right before I headed off to college, I got my very first laptop.

Well, that semester, I was determined to find a way to watch it... and with all the illegal streaming services the internet could provide, I was able to find links to every episode.

Well, I was absolutely hooked from the first episode. I binged it every moment I could. I was 100% Joey Potter.

That summer fling had turned into a long distance relationship over the fall semester, but that summer spark was fading...

Meanwhile, the boy I had originally liked was becoming my best friend. Stayed up late, talking, laughing, bonding.

Well, one night, while watching Dawson's Creek, I had an epiphany. I realized that the friendship I had with Garrett is what I wish I had in my relationship with my boyfriend.

It was Dawson's Creek that really drove home what real love was supposed to look like. Yes, I've see all the romantic movies in the world but those weren't a depiction of real life. I've even seen plenty of teen soaps like One Tree Hill and even tween soaps like Degrassi, but the drama was so extreme it never really landed as "this could be me."

I know Dawson's Creek isn't real either, but it was pretty darn close. Maybe it stuck with me because I was in my first official relationship. I've had a relationship or two before, but they never actually called me their girlfriend, never held hands, walked down the halls together, celebrated Valentine's Day...

But now, I finally had a real boyfriend. Long distance, mind you, but a potential for something real. And yet, something was still missing.

But my new best guy friend, Garrett, treated me the way I wanted my boyfriend to treat me. We laughed, bonded, had deep conversations, talked for hours until the sun came up. We were just friends, platonic friends, with a little bit of a history, but after all the drama settled, we were stronger and better friends than ever. I was even closer to him than to my best girl friend. Something was shifting.

Dawson's Creek made me realize that what I had with my boyfriend was not the love I deserve. I was settling. I had been settling in all those past relationships, begging for affections that were never given freely.

I wasn't necessarily falling in love with Garrett, at the time, just realizing that my relationship wasn't what it should be.

I told Garrett I thought about breaking up with my boyfriend but that winter break was right around the corner and maybe it'll be better when we're able to see each other again.

Well, my boyfriend must have sensed the fizzle too, or the shift in my friendship, because 3 weeks before Thanksgiving, he broke up with me.

Now, I know I just said I wanted the same, but I wanted to at least wait till break to make the effort and try to make it work. He bolted at the first sign of trouble.

The first person I called was Garrett, of course. Not only did he make me feel better, he made me laugh, and made me forget about the breakup altogether.

It only took about a week before he told me how pretty I looked (despite being in my pajamas with no makeup and messy hair). I thought he was basically confessing his love for me. The flirting began and then my now ex-boyfriend said he made a mistake and wanted to try to work it out... but he kept changing his mind, flip flopping between wanting to work it out and saying it won't work.

I wanted to work it out, at first, and I knew if I took him up on it, Garrett would understand and our friendship would be unscathed. But after a certain point, that changed and I thought I could lose Garrett as a friend if I took my ex back. I couldn't have that. My friendship with Garrett was more important to me than any relationship, or potential relationship. And that was the next epiphany that hit. Right then and there I knew what we had was something real, something special, and I wasn't going to throw it away for a chance to rekindle a flame that's been dead for a while.

So, this long love story of my real life, you can say had in some part to do with Dawson's Creek. When you realize you are worthy of a greater love, you don't want to settle for less. And when you realize that great love is actually there, staring you in the face, you will never let it go.

Every year I rewatch Dawson's Creek and reestablish that I'm so lucky I found my Pacey.

So, sure, a lot of people were big fans of Dawson's Creek, and James Van Der Beek is a legend. But it's a particularly special show to me and will always hold a special place in my heart.

Rest in peace James Van Der Beek, you will forever be beloved and live on as Dawson.

-Erica