Dawson's Creek

With the recent passing of James Van Der Beek, I wanted to express my condolences and talk about the profound impact Dawson's Creek has had on me.

    See, I may have been too young to watch it when it premiered, but I always wanted to. There were reruns that came on TV really late (3am), but for me, that wasn't so out of the ordinary. Still, I was usually upstairs in bed by then, so staying downstairs to watch it was a feat.

    One night in senior year, I decided to take the plunge. I stayed up (on a school night!) to see what all the hype was about (and because I was actually interested).

    Of course, because Kevin Williamson loves all things scary, it was the episode Return to Witch Island where they visit a supposedly haunted island and talk about witchcraft. Of course, that late at night, I was a bit spooked, and I also didn't feel like I got a true sense of what the show was really like. So, luckily for me, there was another episode right after.

    At 4am, I sat there contemplating cutting my losses at this failed mission to at least get 3 hours of sleep before I had to wake up for school at 7am... Or.... It's already late, so why not?

    Well, what do you think I did? I stayed up. One more episode to end my night at 5am and crawl back into bed for 2 lousy hours of sleep. It was fun, and I was determined to watch it, but there was no way I was gonna do that again.

    During senior year, I had a good group of friends, boy drama, and a bit of a summer fling before college.

    I also got my very first laptop for college, and that semester, I was determined to find a way to watch Dawson's Creek. I was able to find links to every episode, and I was absolutely hooked from the first episode. I binged it every moment I could. I related heavily to Joey Potter.

    That summer fling had turned into a long-distance relationship over the fall semester, but that summer spark was fading...

    Meanwhile, the boy I had originally liked in the spring was becoming my best friend (Garrett). We stayed up late, talking, laughing, bonding.

    One night, while watching Dawson's Creek, I had an epiphany: The friendship I had with Garrett was what I wished I had in my relationship with my boyfriend.

    It was Dawson's Creek that really drove home what real love was supposed to look like. Yes, I've seen all the romantic movies in the world, but those weren't a depiction of real life. I've even seen plenty of teen soaps like One Tree Hill and Degrassi, but the drama was so extreme that it never really landed as "this could be me."

    I know Dawson's Creek isn't real either, but it was pretty darn close. Maybe it stuck with me because I was in my first official relationship. I've had a relationship or two before, but they never actually called me their girlfriend, never held hands, walked down the halls together, celebrated Valentine's Day...

    I finally had a real boyfriend. Long distance, mind you, but a potential for something real. And yet, something was still missing.

    My new best guy friend, Garrett, treated me the way I wanted my boyfriend to treat me. We laughed, had deep conversations, and talked for hours until the sun came up.

    We had a little bit of history, but after the drama settled, we were stronger and better friends than ever. We were just friends, platonic friends. I was even closer to him than to my best girl friend.

    But something was shifting.

    Dawson's Creek made me realize that what I had with my boyfriend was not the love I deserved. I was settling. I had been settling in all those past relationships, begging for affections that were never given freely. Finally, the affections were free, but I was settling for crumbs when I deserved the full meal.

    I wasn't necessarily falling in love with Garrett at the time, just realizing that my relationship wasn't what it should be.

    I told Garrett I thought about breaking up with my boyfriend, but since winter break was right around the corner, it might be better to wait to see how I feel when I see him in person.

    Well, my boyfriend must have sensed the fizzle too, or the shift in my friendship, because 3 weeks before Thanksgiving, he broke up with me.

    Now, I know I just said I wanted the same, but at least I wanted to wait till break to make an effort to work it out. He bolted at the first sign of trouble.

    The first person I called was Garrett, of course. Not only did he make me feel better, but he also made me laugh and made me forget about the breakup altogether.

    It only took about a week before he told me how pretty I looked (despite being in my pajamas with no makeup and messy hair). With all my preconceived notions and Dawson's Creek influences, I thought he was basically confessing his love for me.

    The flirting began, yet my now ex-boyfriend kept changing his mind, flip-flopping between wanting to work it out and saying it's not going to work.

    At first, I wanted to work it out, and I knew if I took him up on it, Garrett would understand, and our friendship would survive unscathed.

    But after a certain point, that changed, and I thought I could lose Garrett as a friend if I took my ex back. I couldn't have that. My friendship with Garrett was more important to me than any relationship, or "potential" relationship.

    And right then and there, that was the next epiphany that hit, and I made up my mind. I knew what I had with Garrett was something real, something special, and I wasn't going to throw it away for a chance to rekindle a flame that's been dead for a while.

    So, this long love story of my real life, you can say, had in some part to do with Dawson's Creek. When you realize you are worthy of a greater love, you don't want to settle for less. And when you realize that great love is actually there, staring you in the face, you will never let it go.

    Every year, I rewatch Dawson's Creek and reestablish that I'm so lucky I found my Pacey. (Yes, I'm Team Pacey, not Team Dawson, but that doesn't mean I don't love Dawson Leery)

    So, sure, a lot of people were big fans of Dawson's Creek, and James Van Der Beek is a legend, but it's a particularly special show to me and will always hold a special place in my heart.

Rest in peace, James Van Der Beek; you will forever be beloved and live on as Dawson.

-Erica